A resolution that has a list of ten covenants has been drafted by one of the U.S. political parties.  Each of its members must agree to at least eight of these covenants or be denied party support.  The requirement for concurrence with only eight out of ten is intended to show an allowance for diversity.  However, the entire notion of explicit standards for membership raises interesting questions about true allegiance.  Although almost all groups and societies have their creeds or organizing documents, it is not clear that written standards establish loyalty or belonging.

In the Christian faith, Jesus the Christ came along and challenged the Ten Commandments, which had long held the position of being the foundation of the faith.  Instead, he said, “If you love your creator and love all created ones just as you love yourself, you will have reached your goal.”

Anyone who has been in love knows that you cannot capture the qualities for love on a checklist.  Oh, you can write up a checklist, but when you meet the right person, you will throw the checklist out the window.  Why?  Because love in its essence cannot be captured on paper.  The energy that fuels and maintains love is not two-dimensional or even three-dimensional; it has more dimensions than could possibly be captured in physical space.

And so it is when we extrapolate people’s loyalty to a group.  The true essence of loyalty cannot be captured on two-dimensional paper or based on explicit standards.  If we try to reduce membership to such criteria, we miss the point.

Actual belonging — whether in a one-on-one relationship or in a larger group — is a function of the heart.  It happens at soul level.  That can never be put on paper.

Tomorrow, people across the U.S. will gather together for Thanksgiving Day.  Most of us will reflect upon the good things and good people that have been in our lives for the past year, and we will express our gratitude to the One who provides these gifts to us.  It is a day of gratefulness and appreciation.

This year, as you count your blessings, remember to include the painful elements of life.

I know that it sounds a bit odd, but remember to give thanks for the unpleasant times you have had along with the pleasant ones; show appreciation for your painful experiences along with the joyful ones.  Good times and pleasant people are easy to appreciate because they give us happy feelings, but bad times and dificult experiences are also vital to our health, for they compel us to grow.

For instance, what are the possible end results when a romantic relationship passes through a difficult stretch?  Either the couple will stay together through the ordeal and find their love for one another deepened through the shared experience, or they will realize that the relationship has no staying power, and each will go his or her own way.  Is not either outcome preferable to a shallow, stagnant relationship?  Or think about difficult economic times.  While we prefer the ease and comfort of wealth, it is when we financially struggle that we learn to appreciate what we have.  Rough economic times force us honestly to sort through our priorities as we stretch our resources, and having less money available to run all around town means that we end up spending more quality time with our families.

The same kinds of blessings may be found in any type of hardship.  In losing those things and people that made us comfortable, we begin a journey into the unknown that provides us with freedom, growth and change.  Entering into new life is difficult and painful, but it is good for us; it grants us wisdom and understanding and experience, all of which help us to become better people.  Profound insights emerge from the depths of despair, if we are open to them.

This Thanksgiving, as you list the blessings in your life, remember to give thanks for your sorrows.  They may not be pleasant to experience, but if you have the wisdom to learn, they are shaping you into a better human being.

Our eighth Question of the Week is on the topic of family.  Fee free to discuss other aspects of the topic that you feel are relevant.

Over the past 50 years, the structures of American families have changed profoundly.  Relocating for jobs has spread families over large areas, diminishing the presence and influence of extended families.  Higher divorce rates and lower worker incomes (when adjusted for inflation) have pressured all adults to enter the workforce.  Some people have responded to these changes by demonstrating their love for their families through spending money rather than time on their families.  These families live in large houses, have many things and activities in their lives, but they have relatively little personal interaction.  Other people have chosen to stay at home to provide personal care and to teach personal values, but they may have had to accept social scorn and a lower financial standard of living as a result.  A third group of people strive for some sort of middle ground through part time or work-from-home employment.

How do you determine how much of your time is spent maintaining and growing your family’s income, and how much time is used as “face time” with your family?  What do your choices teach children about your values?

Our seventh Question of the Week is on the topic of justice.  Feel free to discuss other aspects of the issue that you feel are relevant.

In our society, whenever someone suffers pain or loss, there is the belief that whoever caused that loss should pay money as restitution.  This is the basis for all civil law.  In actual practice, this principle has come to mean that a doctor can be sued any time that a medical procedure fails.  It means that a business is liable for practices from 50 years ago that were considered safe at the time, but are now considered unsafe.  It means a homeowner must pay for the injuries of a burglar falling down the stairs.

How does exerting power over another person through the courts address our need for justice?  To what extent should people be punished for unanticipated consequences of their decisions?  What does this way of thinking say about our society’s values concerning money, compassion, responsibility and forgiveness?  If you have been involved in this kind of dispute, what emotions did the process nurture within you?  Did the legal process lead to reconciliation between you and the other party?